i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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