I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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