thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
