I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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