So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
