maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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