i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
