Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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