please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
