Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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