i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
