everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
