I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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