that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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