went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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