she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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