Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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