Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
