I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
