I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
