You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
