apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
