Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
