Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
