There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
