Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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