he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
