Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
