shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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