why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
please come you make the beer taste better
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
