Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
