i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They are going to name an STD after you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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