my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
