I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
