Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
