By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
