i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
