I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize