I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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