I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
