Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
