I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
