I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
