i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
