mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
