We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
