I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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