elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
