Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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