i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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