I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
