dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
