Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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