Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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