just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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