Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize