you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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