hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
