Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
