How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
