They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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