I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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