Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pants are for mortals
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
