I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
