Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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