like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
